I know what you mean too, Stung. Everything down to how the visitation is being done to his appearance...I understand. I have been there. Don't feel defensive. This is a place where we are supposed to be able to say that kind of stuff and not get backlash for it. Some people on these boards are hyper sensitive to that, as if you are insulting them personally. I wouldn't worry about it!
Good job, it sounds like you are doing the best you can under the circumstances.