Alcoholics and drug addicts hear what we do, not what we say.
A good book to start with is "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. She describes very specifically the universal patterns in the alcoholic relationship and what you need to do to break the cycle.
The cycle is:
There will be a quiet time, but the tension is mounting.
Things will explode, he will drink and abuse you and likely the children, too,
After he sobers up he will be pathetic, remorseful, make promises to change.
You will not change anything and will expect things to improve.
There will be a quiet time, but the tension is mounting.
Things will explode....and the two of you will replay that cycle all over again.
At Al-Anon meetings there is a free pamphlet titled "Alcoholism: A Merry Go Round Named Denial". It describes this cycle perfectly.
You need to attend Al-Anon and you might also need to attend AA. You are in the belly of the beast and you need help from others who have an objective view and can help you clear up your thinking and start doing things differently.
Anyone who has lived with an alcoholic understands completely what is happening to you.
So, as they say, suit up and show up. Call around and find meetings and start going.