Hammer, hahaha. You do realize that I only separated from my husband slightly more than a month ago, right? Although I talked about RAH, I fully intended my post to be about myself. Then I think I ruffled feathers by saying he was fat and that I don't like that he's fat and then that subsequently became the focus of my post.
What I was trying to say was, "whoa!!! I forgot how awful he looks and how much damage he has caused to himself and it shocked the hell out of me! We have both been being very pleasant to one another on the phone which made me romanticize our relationship at this point. Seeing him was the kick in the ass, reality check that I needed."
Instead I think a few people saw "my husband is such a disgusting fat ass. Oh my god his bloated FAT FAT FAT body makes me nauseated. Yuck. Fat people are ugly and bad."
My husband is a good looking guy when he's HEALTHY but he's not healthy right now, not at all. The majority of our relationship he has been physically healthy, and more importantly he was fun and kind and witty. He has been returning to funny and kind on the phone so in my mind's eye I haven't been associating him with being still sick physically. Reality check has been received and heard loud and clear. That's all I was trying to say and I feel like a lot of people actually understood my intended complaint/rant/update/realization.
And dude, I am working on myself. Cut me some slack. Did you see that last Thursday that I realized that my mom was NPD and that's probably why I've surrounded myself with people that are letting me down. I no longer think "why is this happening to me?!" but "okay, why do I feel like this, I know I need to stop." That's a big deal for me!