Thank you for this post, dollydo. I am in a nightmare and feel trapped. My stepson is 18. He lived with his mother all of his life and had the usual every other weekend visitation and every Wednesday night for dinner. His problem became evident to me when he was in 6th grade. I put up a post last fall asking for everyone's opinion regarding my husband's belief that living in our home would be a better place for his son. Fast forward-we held an intervention in August 2013 which led to his eventual stay at rehab out of state. He was there 60 days and upon returning back home, my husband had and continues to have him living in our home. I have 2 children that live here-15 and 10. There are 2 older boys (one mine, one his) that are juniors in college and are not home all that often except over their breaks or summer. Nevertheless, I am at a totally different place than my husband and it is wreaking havoc. My husband got SS a job at his own place of work-and 95% of the mornings, has to go in to wake SS. So, he still has the job, although he would have been fired for not showing up had SS been left to wake on his own. SS has not been saving any of his money. My husband has now resorted to being SS's "bank" and making him give him a certain amount of money from his paycheck so as to hold it. We've found drugs, gave him a test which showed coke in his system, etc., etc., etc. I could go on and on about this. If SS is supposed to be home at a certain time and doesn't show up, there are no consequences except for my husband yelling. I keep saying that until he is held accountable for his actions, we're going to be spinning in neutral forever. My home is being ripped apart and my husband just cannot see that no matter what he does, he cannot fix his son. I keep saying that it doesn't matter what SS has or doesn't have. SS has to chose to wake up and go to work. And by waking him up and making him go to work just perpetuates this. I said, let him sleep in and lose his job. He may or may not feel the burn for losing his job right away, but he will at some point when he doesn't have money-so long as he doesn't receive money from my husband to fix everything. Which, my husband has done. SS had no money to fix his truck-my husband pays for it. One thing I will say is that SS has been slowly paying my husband back a certain amount out of his paycheck for past tickets, etc. But, we're going nowhere here. I choose not to live with an addict. My ex husband is an alcoholic-and it took me 10 years to figure out there was nothing I could do. Except divorce him and remove him from my home. And here I am, with another addict in this house. My husband keeps saying he wants to follow through for his son. I keep telling my husband that he has followed through, over and over. It doesn't matter what he does-SS is the one who needs to follow through. I feel my husband enables SS's behavior. Right now, we're just a roof over his head, shower and occasional meal. SS has not moved forward whatsoever. I am going to print out this piece and show it to my husband.