Just a hopefullly quick update from the land of the normal not-on-holiday anymore world.
After a tumultous holiday you may remember, my AH has been sober with Rational Recovery since December 31. I would say December 30, but I am not sure if he had a drink that day.
He for the first time on the 30th said he would not drink again (comments like that were always tempered with "just a beer" and "i will TRY") and he has not. He finally hit bottom that day and I hit mine and was 100 percent ready to walk. I dont feel like that anymore, but if there were a slip up soon, I am sure that I would have that feeling again.
I wanted him out almost as soon as he arrived home, but we went to therapy together and since he was willing to work and fight for our relationship, the therapist advised against that as we were in a crisis we should wether together if that was agreeable to me. It was.
I know we are in a honeymoon phase, so please no reminding me how wrong it can go. I know that. What I also know is that I am living with a man that I hardly recognize. I mean that in the best possible way. He has always been kind in his words, and a good man in his action, but thwarted by alcohol and his choice to pick up a drink which would start on a quick downwards spiral. He has not picked one up. He says he hardly thinks about it.
His mood has improved, he is not withdrawn, he is not ashamed in front of people to order an iced tea or a water.
I feel like a new person. I know that RR is not for everyone, but it's the program that he has chosen (after more AA meetings than I knew about) and I support his decision. I am not going to Al-Anon, but despite RR's policy, if I feel I need it, I have np problem going if I decide that is what I need.
Right now are are doing a very strong focus on each other, the "we" that we have neglected, through excercizes given in therapy, which are difficult at times, but worth while.
As we ALL know, the A is not the ONLY problem in a relationship. We add to it and take it all on and deal with it in various ways, not all good. So the therapy is not just for him, but for me and for us.
This is the happiest I have felt in years.
As the title says, this is not a happy ending, but it is SUCH a happy beginning.
I pray as always, that I can continue to learn, grow and I hope post positive updates so that others MIGHT see that there MIGHT be a happy future.
This has been a long time coming, it took hitting HARD, I dont recommend this bottom as the way to happiness, but maybe in the end, it will all be worth it for me. At this moment in time, it is. Whew. Not easy to say. Here's to a brighter future for us all..
