7 Months !
7 months sober today, day 210 sober. It has gotten better and better along the way, but I've been feeling confused more the past few weeks.
Since the NYE I found a game called 'Cursed mountain'. Since recovery sometimes feels like a climb, Cursed mountain is basically about mountain climbing (and fighting ******** spirits of the mountain on the way)... it was therapeutic in a way.
Many people talk about emotional issues being the real cause of drinking, and that recovery should consist of fixing these issues. I've started to think that it is only part right, and most recovery comes from abstinence and physiological healing. Brain chemistry is such a big thing after all. And it's just my opinion, you can think what you want. This is because I've had sessions of say, a month at a time, where I daily try to focus on my emotional weaknesses, the 'shadow' so to say and I try to feel and reason my emotional
garbage. The problem with this is that what it is for me, is that in recovery, I'm not entirely balanced, and my AV loves to use this moment of introspection to lure me into thinking that I have some flaws. And it is rather convincing too. Then hours later maybe I arrive at the conclusion that this is something of the long past and not valid anymore today. I do this over and over again... ending up with seemingly nothing valuable from my introspection. Therefore personally I've taken the attitude of not focusing on those flaws because the AV won't let me work it even if there were such things.
Anyway thanks for reading. Now on to month #8.