Ready, thanks. How big is RAL Jr now? Has he completely settled into his second home?
Tazzle, I don't think you should feel too guilty. Marriages are complicated. Your secrecy was deceitful, yes, but also protective of something. Now by staying sober you're taking steps to protect important relationships better than before. You've learned, you're growing.
Checking in. I did a little work today but didn't have to see any colleagues, so that was lucky. I made an appointment to meet someone tomorrow who's a licensed clinical social worker -- I hope he'll help me understand what choices I have in mental health care, and what resources I can use to help me navigate the system. I also went to my regular weekly AA meeting, but I didn't talk & left early, before the hand-holding. I had my first regular meal in a while, and spent the evening with my husband. He was reading something about Wordsworth & Coleridge, so we talked poetry and poets of that period.
In another life, I spent a lot of my time among a group of poets. We called ourselves -- rather our leader, Keith, who wanted a movement, called us -- Angry Young Dogs, or something like that. Keith became an alcoholic, and killed himself. I gave up writing like I gave up drugs, because I thought it was making me crazy. Now I give up drinking too, but I don't get less crazy. Maybe the only way out is through?