DoP, that is great that you only missed out on a few months with your little one. My seven year old recently asked me why my breath smelled like cleaning products. When she gets older, she will make the connection, but at least it will be a past memory, not something still going on.
This thread is really helping me, it's probably my favorite. The contrast helps me stave off any thoughts of buying.
3:01 during the drinking days. Depending on the day, sometimes I'd be at work, but sometimes not. During the off days, I'd probably be agitatedly waking up from a highly buzzed induced nap. The naps never did anything except to make me more groggy and more pissed off at the world and myself. I felt guilt and shame for morning drinking and would try to partition my day in half by taking one. And even in my sorry mind, I knew that a nap would be time without drinking and that would be better for my body. I'd get up, reach for whatever was nearby to take the edge off. Then, depending on the day, I'd wait for the bus, or drive to the daycare. I would take the next few hours off the bottle but I was always looking at the clock, waiting to start up again which made me irritated with everyone around me. I'd wait for dh to walk in so I could steal away and begin again, justifying I needed to move to the hard stuff since I was going through withdrawal.
3:00 today: Working very seriously on a project from my couch while sitting up with good posture.
My favorite 'do nothing' (in my mind work area-NOT!) drinking space was my big comfy bed where I would spend hours aimlessly surfing the web, ignoring work or doing a half assed job of it. This morning, I got OUT of bed, got dressed and began work.
I just have to say that I love this site and this thread is the best. I thought I was the only person who's life was so pathetic. I don't mean that everyone is pathetic, but I see the patterns are all the same:
wanting to get away
focusing only on the drink
ignoring those around us
neglecting kids
taking chances with the driving
ignoring our bodies
wasted time sleeping
It just helps to see alcohol as a demon broadcast on the loud speaker. it would be easier to go back if I just based it on the experience of the people around me who control alcohol. then it seems all glam and fun.