Tulip...
It is so very hard when dealing with someone who seems very earnest and is promising that if you do X then they will do Y. How do you know if you are getting suckered like the last 57 times or if this is the time they mean it?
It may be too late in this instance but there is a simple (not easy, simple) way to short circuit the guilt trip and pressure in these sort of negotiations. Basically, you are being put in a nasty spot - either you relent and trust or you are 'harsh' and judge him unworthy of trust. In other words, all the pressure (and half the urine) are on you. That's a lousy deal isn't it?
How to flip it without judgment and with kindness? What about just reversing the order here?
"If you relent I will do what's good for me" is pure manipulation. Not only do you have to judge and take the risk but the implication is that if you do not give in then he will not do what he needs to. He will not recover because you are a heartless b-tch. NICE!!!!
The inverse would be:
"Hey, if you make a promise you can't keep, even though you mean to and want to and try to then it leaves me feeling let down and leaves you feeling guilty and defensive. I understand this is a hard thing so how about this: You know you need to fix this with me or without me so you do that - do all those things you just said for a while and then we can discuss the rest. That way if it takes you a few attempts to find what works for you then it doesn't cause further damage to our relationship and you don't have to hang your head because you failed. Better for me, better for you, better for us".
Then, you don't have to be the judge. You are not under pressure to make a deal you are not sure of and it is not on you if he doesn't do those things. It's all on him now and you are not pressuring him or making demands he can resent you for and his wiggle room is GONE. If he has already agreed he needs to do it then great - do it. Then we can talk... no rush, take your time.... and allllll the pressure is off you and where it should be.
And if you miss the urine stains, get a puppy.