" I don't understand why it's so hard to break away." (Abelle)
^^^^
This has a very easy, simple answer. You do not want to break away.
I have walked your path. I too believed with some time things would calm down, he would outgrow what I considered " having too much fun , party stage" I made excuses for the unacceptable behaviors and actions that transpired while he was intoxicated.
I really believed his morning after, " I went to far last night, that won't happen again."
But what I failed to understand, his morning after words were words coming out of a mouth that were being controlled by a substance/drug . And an addicted brain, is not functioning normally.
An active addict's words are meaningless. They are not sober thoughts. His mind is still being controlled by a substance.
Another poster, posted inquiring if the 15 years she spent with an addict were a lie, well if you are involved with someone who is under the influence, I certainly have learned that anything and everything that comes out of their mouth to be exaggerated, drama, drama, drama, and lies, Lots and lots of lies. So for him to say he loved me, also became meaningless, his actions said the complete opposite of his words.
In a court of law, if you are on the witness stand, and it is mentioned or proven that you were under the influence of a drug, your testimony will be disregarded, not admissible, removed from the stand, the end.
While each and every one of us have to figure it out for ourselves, it would serve you best to think with your head, ( stick to the facts) and do not allow your heartstrings to rule.
Proceed with extreme caution, from the balcony, I can say you are playing with fire.