Lieing to himself
My AH went to be assesed and the counselor told him he was an A. He said "Well you tell me I'm an A and he tells me I'm an A so I must be an A." The counselor also told him that our marriage might stay together but he did not think so. I was angry because I could not understand why a trained counselor would say such a thing. Now I understand all to clearly.
At first I was hopefull that he was finally admitting to it and now after all my reading and seeing what he is/is not doing I realize that he will not stay sober. He does not think he is an A and he is just going along to keep the peace. I have not discussed this with him. I will not own it. I will however do what I need to do for me and my son. I will not let myself be deluded into thinking that this is the end of the problem. For all of you out there who have not read it yet, please read "Letter From a Recovering Addict. 1-27-2005. It opened my eyes completely. This is what I needed to understand what is and has been happening the past 15 yrs.
He is still useing the same anti-perspirant,the same listerne mouthwash,the same cologne, all of which have alcohol in them. He knows from rehab (and I remember too although he probably thinks I don't) that he can not use these things. He also was drinking energy drinks and those little vials of ginseng. Now I find that he is useing the over the counter swarm herbal capsules. He can not do this if he truly wants to recover. He was really addicted to crank when he went into rehab 17 years ago so he is well aware of the consequences of useing such products. He say's it is because he works such long hours and he needs some energy. Truth be told he likes the buzz.
Such a long road to self distruction. I can hardly bare to watch anymore. I get dragged down into muck if I'm not diligint.
He has been home for 3 days now and I can really see the withdraw from alcohol. I never really saw it befor. He is short tempered even though he gets it under control pretty quickly. He is eating candy and drinking alot of soda. I would really like to discuss the yeast problem with him but I don't know if I should. I found a site on yeast build up in the system and it's corelation to alcoholism. Makes a person wonder way they serve coffee and cookies at AA.
Any coments or suggestions are very welcome.
Thanks for listening.
Z