Originally Posted by
tromboneliness 
Wow -- where is it? I'd love to find an ACA meeting that only had 10 people; the two we have here tend to draw at least 25-30.
That said, the influx of new people can be a problem -- in fact, that's why I don't often go to the meetings here. We have an AA evangelist who seems to feel the "attraction, not promotion" tradition does not apply to him. He's always inviting guys from AA to go to our ACA meeting. Mind you, they need ACA -- for a lot of the reasons you describe. I'm not that knowledgeable on AA, but I gather AA frowns on talking about adult-child and family-of-origin issues too much, because it's considered "avoiding responsibility" and "blaming others." Well, they're entitled to think that if they want. But the result is that AA does not deal with family issues adequately. So you get these AA guys who are a TOTAL mess because although they're off booze, they're still a wreck because of all the things that happened when they were growing up. The evangelist says, "Hey, why don't you come to the ACA meeting on Friday nights?" They do -- because they need it -- and they show up... and start DUMPING ALL THEIR FAMILY/ABUSE STUFF all over the place, all at once, with no concept of how much it's TRIGGERING us non-alcoholics who come to ACA from the Al-Anon side. They're either angry like a bull in a china shop, or they're a mass of quivering jello, telling us about how they were molested as children, and so on and so forth. Result: An ACA meeting that does not feel safe.
I think AA needs to look in the mirror and start addressing some family/adult-child issues in their own program. Our evangelist needs to start a new ACA meeting, specifically intended for AA members who need more work on their family of origin issues.
T
Wait...what? Ya lost me.
The first ACA meeting I went to was about 25 people and way too overwhelming for me. That's why I was excited about this one because it was brand new and therefore small. It's clearly a need though and I'm glad it's helping people but honestly sad to see it growing.
As for the rest of your post, I'm not sure what to say because I'm not sure what your point is. I've never been told not to talk about family stuff in AA, but the focus of an AA meeting is alcoholism, since that's the common thread we all share. I wouldn't talk about drugs or eating disorders or mental illness or anything else there either, because it's not what AA is for...even if I know others in the room share that experience. I can mention it if it relates to what I'm sharing, but it's not what the meeting is for.
I don't understand why it would be more triggering for someone who is also in AA to share at an ACA meeting. I also don't understand why you're upset that someone is inviting people to an ACA meeting (or any other meeting). That's what attraction is all about. If no one ever said, "Hey you should come to this meeting with me," none of these programs would exist.
I'm really trying to understand why you're upset, and I've read your post multiple times and still don't get it. It says right in the ACA lit that some of us become alcoholics ourselves, some marry them, etc. It shouldn't be a dividing line in ACA whether you're also in AA or not. At least not based on my understanding. Really it shouldn't even be known within the confines of a meeting what other meetings a person attends...should it? I've only been to a few ACA meetings but whether or not I go to AA has never been a topic that comes up. (Of course I know about half the folks at the meeting from AA, so it's kind of known...but anyway...). Are people not supposed to share about abuse? I don't want to be triggering to people if/when I do go.
It sounds like your ACA meetings are really meeting a need for people, and that's awesome. No one in AA who is really working the program would claim that it's supposed to be the be all end all for working out issues. It says right in the book that we seek outside help when needed. I'm sorry ACA isn't working out for you. Maybe you could start a new meeting to give people some more options and maybe find a smaller crowd?