I get anxiety when my hubby isn't home during the day. Mainly when he goes to the gym by himself and he takes longer to get home. I believe mine is from his accident. I'll call him and if he doesn't answer, it gets me. I have to breathe and talk myself out of a full blown panic attack.
I would caution you on expectations. I used to have high expectations with my husband and every single time, he has crushed me with his continued alcoholism. We live day to day. We don't think about tomorrow until tomorrow gets here. We just deal with today. It's not easy. This is a life time issue that is ingrained in them. My husband is 55 years old and he's been a little drunk since he was 13, minus 20 years of sobriety while his only son was growing up. When he tells you this is who he is, BELIEVE HIM! You guys are about to climb a MOUNTAIN!