The hardest thing for me has been seperating who he is from what he does. And now that I have settled into the idea that I love who he is enough to accept what he does I accept too, that he does not do it TO me or BECAUSE of me, or even to HURT me... it is addictive behavior, and I cannot love him out of it, but I can love HIM. I also accept that my decision to stay in this marriage means that I cannot resort to bitterness, unforgiveness and anger toward him because of what he does. If I am to accept what he does, then I have to accept everything that comes with it.
Its been a wonderful experience to let go of unreal expectations... Its nice not setting myself up to be surprised, or disappointed... accepting that he will lie, he will keep secrets, he will waste money, he will be where he shouldn't, and not be where he should... cause he's and addict, and that is what he does.
I choose to love who he is for now... the guy who makes me laugh, who builds our campfires to keep us warm when we go camping, who fries my bacon just right and flips pancakes like a pro. He is my football watching buddy, my dance partner, and takes out the garbage without being asked. He's the man who plays with our dog, and cuts our grass and washes my car.
I've learned that when I am grateful for what I DO have, then I don't have alot of time to spend thinking about what I wish I had.