Originally Posted by
Abelle 
That's exactly what I'll be doing this weekend, except that kiddies are with their Dad as per usual arrangement.
The thing is, as ridiculous as it will sound, I think he broke up with me this morning anyway, saying that he's been trying and trying and trying and still can't get the most simplest thing, just a nice time together with me. The reason I say 'I think' is because he still went out of the way to explain his recent inconsiderate things he said (I did not ask him to do that) and put usual kisses/hearts at the end of his message. I think this is in response to me changing plans for this weekend (I said I will come and see him, we talk but then I will go back home for the weekend) together with asking him yesterday whether he was 'using'.
I've decided to try counselling to figure out the cause of my 'luck' with men. This may be the first A but what I had before was heap of issues again and again. I think, it's written across my face that I'll accept and help.
Abelle, attraction to certain types of men can be a hard wiring issue that can be in need of attention... in my case back in my youth and until recently my picker was very broken.
I could sweep into a room full of men and lock eyes with that guy across the room... you know the hot looking, confident, suave, sexy guy and electricity would just fly. In most cases my picker would pick untrustworthy, selfish men who were problem drinkers or worse.
I no longer am attracted to those kind of guys and alarm bells go off when I meet men like that now and when I get their history am usually right. My old ways were from my history of a toxic family or origin and it took my working on my own issues and rewiring the way I view the world and men... I got a new pair of glasses.
I was a severe case... my therapist said I bordered on having a "messiah complex" I was such a fixer... I wanted to fix my man and the rest of the world too!
Finding balance in our lives and giving time and attention to reflect on who we are, what we believe to be true about the world and our place in it, what kind of relationships we want and with who... well, that's a pretty important jump off spot before we go "shopping" for the "one".
I don't even want a guy full time in my life...I love being single. But men are fascinating creatures and fun to look at and I have a lot of men friends that I keep at arms length in friendship mode. But most women do want a full time guy in the house and they want to meet and fall in love with the "right" guy...
and if that is you then I would strongly suggest you find a therapist and really talk about this last relationship, previous relationships and your family of origin...you will be blown away what you learn about yourself and what you should look for in a truly healthy relationship.
Active and recovered alcoholics are not the best choices and quite frankly I don't consider them relationship material for me ... just too risky, too much work and my codieness and controlling issues would rise to the surface and I would have to battle that all the time.
Oh... and going to alanon would be a great thing too even if you didn't keep going...it is all a journey of discovery. Take what you want and leave the rest...
And your A? He will probably be back. It's usually hard to shake an alcoholic....