Abelle,
It is confusing isn't it...??? It is totally overwhelming, confusing and your emotions are all over the place right now. Take a deep breath and relax...it is completely normal to be all over the map...there is the emotional side and the logical side of your brain and heart. There is the A himself so sweet one minute your heart just wells with love and hope and the next minute Hyde shows up!
And you come here and are swamped with advice that none of it feels real great right now... most of us know how you feel because we have walked in your moccasins.
Here is the problem with your using your knew knowledge of what he "should" do : it will go over like a lead balloon. He won't welcome it at all because he has already communicated that he has his recovery under his control in his opinion and it is his opinion that counts right now. It is his recovery to manage.
If you start controlling or shifting his "program" even if you are right on time he will resent it and if you have to herd him to real or authentic recovery how can he maintain if you don't keep helping? That was my dilemma... I could run my A's life very well thank you but it was a full time job that required babysitting, sober policing and bail bonds on occasion. They have to figure this out for themselves or it does not stick!
I know it is hard, hard, hard but sweetie you have to concentrate on you and why you are so attached to a guy that has great big holes in him. I know why I pick those kind of guys because I am addicted to fixing everybody and everything... er.. . or I used to be!
Now I get to come here and share my issues and how I resolved them and it helps me not go pick up another drunk to raise! LOL...
You are less than a year into this thing... you aren't married or carrying his child. You aren't sharing your home or finances so this all good. You are on a path of discovery and on it you will figure out where you start and he ends.... we call it staying on our side of the street.
He has to find his own way out and how to live life alcohol free with joy, peace and happiness in his own being. So do you... have you considered alanon? A great therapist is worth their weight in gold...
Honestly... a lot of women would have high tailed it to the hills and you might be glad you stuck this thing out! He may be Prince Charming in the rough and just needs time and his own polishing to just come through... but...
This is all about you! Create boundaries (google and stickies here) and communicate exactly what you are looking for longterm in a mate. See if he wants to stick around and try to make that happen with a proactive plan. Alcohol or no alcohol... does that make sense?
His A issues he has to figure out... alanon will help you here a LOT!
You are doing great just by sticking it out and asking questions. If I were a betting person I would put a lot of money on you are going to figure it out and make the right decisions in the end.