I'm sorry, alfieplug. Have you bought any Al-Anon literature to read? I've been reading
The Courage to Change and
Opening our Hearts, Transforming our Losses (a book on grief.) The one on grief might be helpful to you? My AH & I are separating after 25 years together. This book is helping me work through my grief. I just try to read a little each night and work through a couple of the questions. I write the answers down in a notebook. I also journal a bit, and copy relevant scripture in the notebook. Periodically, I'll go back and read what I've written. Sometimes I'll add additional thoughts in the margins. It's helping.