Wow 30 year drunk. You story is a mirror of mine. Almost scary. I'm also 40 and have drinking for 20 years ( close ) and am exactly the same. Sometimes life of the party and sometimes not so much. I also have two young children and an amazing wife. She doesn't drink and never has but is completely supportive of me regardless. Luckily I have never been arrested but I have no idea how. Credit that to the big fellow. I have tried multiple times to quit. Made it 6 months once and went immediately back into the same pattern. This time I'm 2 months and, god willing, will never go back My father was also a cripple drink and it ended up killing himself, only after he dwstroyed his wife and kids. I will not, cannot, do that to my kids. I am done having my kids say" daddy can you read me a book " and I responded with anger " go have your mommy do it". Meantime I'm drunk as hell on the couch. Breaks my heart just thinking bout. Anyway I'm so happy to see you here. You are definately not alone and we can do this. MB8