I'll bite here on some of the things you have written about that I don't think have been addressed.
Some recovering A's have problems with sex. As in no sex drive and intimacy issues. There is quite a bit of information on here about it, I invite you to read the many, many stories on here regarding it. Loss of sex drive does not equate to demeaning another - it just means loss of sex drive.
My husband is one of those people. He lost his sex drive when he got sober that initial date was in 2002. We have sex, its great, and its not often. Bothered me at first A LOT. Now it doesn't at all. We have a wonderful relationship now. Its simply not the most important thing. That works for me it may not for you.
Its easy to attribute strange confusing behaviors to recovery, trauma etc. you can spin around the world trying to psychoanalyze his behaviors and what they mean. People simply aren't that complex or mysterious. In fact his behavior may not have a damn thing to do with addiction or recovery - may just be who. he. is.
You are here asking so you know something is wrong. I imagine life with him will be like this always - confusing. For me it would have ended when he said he didn't want to further the relationship due to the kids.
Under the best of circumstances entering into a relationship with a recovered A needs consideration. A relapse is always a possibility - I know - I have been through one. They suck.
Proceed with caution - something is very wrong here.