Originally Posted by amy55

Abelle,

Just know that this is a safe place for you. You got so many responses today because there are so many of us that went through the same thing. We care for you here, and we don't want you to hurt the way that we did.

In the beginning of a relationship, (and yes, 8 months is the beginning) there are many things that we miss, because we all make adjustments for a new relationship. We try to compromise. After all, we are not perfect either.

I saw many red flags along the way, but I just tried to explain them all away.

I was married for 21 years before I started to research verbal and emotional abuse. I always wanted to blame his behavior on something else. His drinking, his childhood, is he depressed, did he have bi-polar. It all came down to that it didn't matter. The things that came out of his mouth hurt me. So after all my research, after all the excuses I gave him, it still came down to the same thing. The things he said hurt me. (I won't even get into the physical abuse).

What I wanted to say though, was just like you I needed to ask questions, see, I was questioning my own sanity, so I am glad that you are asking the questions, instead of trying to change yourself into what he wants you to be, which is always wrong anyway.

I do hope that you stay around, it is a great place also for us to figure out why we do the things that we do.

I am really impressed that you stayed around all day and talked. I also invite you to read the stickies that are above, regarding what abuse is. Your relationship is still new at 8 months, so you may not see a lot of you in there, but just so that you can see things when they happen, and know that it is not you, might really help you a lot.

Look forward to knowing you better.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

amy