SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - The 24 Hour Club Sign Up Sheet, Part 33, All Are Welcome!

01-08-2014, 04:24 PM

# 346 (permalink)

deeker

Member

Join Date: Sep 2012

Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA

Posts: 5,731

Hi There Everybody! Hope everyone is having a blessed day! I am so glad
you stopped into the 24 Club!

If you are just lurking and I know some of you are. Why not take that leap
of faith and just sign in with your time and do your very best to stay away
from that drink and or drug for the next 24 hours.

It's 24 hours. You can do this!!

Just post your local time. WE have to start somewhere, why not here,
why not now! Please post only once daily on this thread. ty

Welcome to Our Newest Members-safe2breathe -peacefulfreedom - shadesofgray - Stomper -
theboysmama - newhope01 -Zoe12- Pacci- Swaps- PaulinePolitely - Dan Dare - Kevin78

Congratulations!!

Chrissy2014 1 week!
copperfield 1 week!
ronjohn 1 week!
Avra 1 week!
Swap 1 week!
Mvngon 2 weeks!
Odelle 2 weeks!
LillianGish 2 weeks!
tam2014 2 weeks!
FishNHippy 2 weeks!
Laly 2 weeks!
huntingtontx 6 months!

If I missed your special day, my apologies. Please send me a pm with your
clean/sober date.

Roster will be posted 2 hours 36 min from now at 10 pm EST USA 1/8.

Denial

I didn't want to look at all the stuff I did while I drank and drugged. I didn't think I was
as bad as some people. I still had a husband , a family, a job, a truck and a house .

My kid was smart, my house was clean and well maintained.

I did it up good on Holidays and Birthdays with decorations and lots of presents.
I was fine, to the outside world I looked like the All American Mom .

But inside I lived in total fear. I prayed every morning that I didn't do something stupid
like call someone on the phone the night before, hurt someone or their feelings make a total
a** out of myself.

I walked on egg shells the next day after a blackout which happened a lot waiting to see how
my hubby and son were gonna react to me cuz I couldn't remember what I did or said.

If they didn't say anything, I was good to go. It was a good day for my addiction. And
my denial could live another day.

If they did say something I would spend the whole day trying to absolve my guilt.

Cleaning the house, making dinner, giving my son 20 bucks or take him to the movie.

Anything to get rid of that awful feeling inside and to avoid my own reality.

It didn't really work so then I would use that as an excuse the next night And say "Hey Look
at everything I did for you both yesterday, you don't appreciate me" And I would drink.

This cycle of denial kept me stuck for almost 21 years after I relapsed back in 1991 after almost
3 years clean and sober.

And at that time when I went out and relapsed I started with the "I'll just drink non alcoholic
beer" that lasted about 1 week and I was off and running for 21 yrs making all my "YETS" come true.

You know The "YETS"

(Well this didn't happen yet and that didn't happen yet I must not be an alcoholic)

Well guess what? All the "YETS" happened!

3 DUI's Total, Jail 7 times, 14 institutions, suicide attempts, loss of home, loss of truck, loss
of family.

I sure hope you don't go out there as long as I did. They say the ends are always the same Jails,
Institutions and Death.

Who ever "They" are that say that, "They" were not kidding.

If you don't think it could happen to you , you are wrong. The longer we stay out there drinking
and using all those things that we didn't think would happen all eventually happen. We just don't
know when.

And that one final night of drinking or drugging that you want to get your last "Hoorah" out of could
last 20 years.

Drinking and drugging is like playing Russian Roulette. You may have it together one night or maybe
even for a couple weeks but eventually that bad night happens, the bad thing happens, the undoable
consequence happens. And now you are so depressed because of it you are drinking or drugging to drown
those feelings. Now we have to continue cuz of more pain that we created that we don't know how to deal
with.

We just don't know when and what number of drinks is gonna put us over into black out mode until
it's to late.

For some there will be no return. I am no longer in denial. I know what's waiting for me out there.
I just don't know which drink or drug is going to do it. So I stay away from the first one.

It's like a Volcano, you just never know when it is going to Blow!

*Song For The Day -Fooling Yourself by Styx

If unable to find this 24 hour Thread in the future, Click on Search near top of page and
type in Newcomer Daily Support Threads and click on Go. This is Part 33