When I find myself taking on the blame and guilt for things that are not really on my side of the street, it is usually because taking it on gives me the illusion that I am in any way in control of the situation. I don't know if that will resonate with you or not, but it is my ES&H so I will risk sharing it.
Sometimes we are just more comfortable when we think we are in control. And in this case feeling comfortable is not the same as feeling good...it comes closer to feeling grounded or safer. It is understandable...but these things he's going through...they are his to manage and decide. The best we can do is figure out what we are going to do regardless of where they land.