I grew up around alcoholism but thankfully never went down that path. But I do suffer from the disease of addiction. My thing was pills, opiates and downers.
What I can see from your original post is your self honesty and that is very admirable. It sounds as though you're sick of drinking, can see how it's destroying your life and that you want to stop.
It always feels good to open up and let it all out. Keep trying and keep posting!!!
You will get there.