Yes, yes and YES to all of what you wrote. When I think of entering a big room of people I don't know, I feel sick to my stomach (this is the reason I am so scared to go to an AA meeting as well, it is just so daunting). Over the years, I convinced myself that I couldn't go to a party or group event without a few drinks or I would be unable to converse with anyone or socialize at all.
I've gone to just a few things since I stopped drinking. It feels to me like I'm struggling socially/feeling awkward but I'm able to see that it's not something people around me are noticing (or at least I hope not). And if they are, well, then they are. It's a lot better than drinking too much and embarrassing myself THAT way. Lordy.
I don't know what my social life is going to end up looking like. The only reason this really concerns me, honestly, is because I'm single and it makes me wonder how I'll meet people and in particular people who don't have a life centered around drinking. Of course this careens me down a path of worrying why anyone will want a "defective" person like me who is a recovering alcoholic blah blah blah -- but I'm going to try to just worry about today instead of going down all those roads of worry and stress.
Thanks for posting this. It clearly resonates with many of us.
Jackie