Thank you all for your suggestions. I do need to be honest. I am going to schedule a visit with my councilor this week. I am nervous as hell thinking about talking to somebody about this but wow this really needs to change. I am so sad because of all of this and really need to get to the bottom of it. It's like both issues feed off of each other and both have become insanely screwed up. I think this may be a good starting place though. Here goes nothing.