Originally Posted by
Gracegrows 
Sure, and fair enough. I'm not actually asking to be told what to do or what help I need. I'm just hoping to process it with people who have some personal experience with it.
Here's my two cents on where the line lies: if you blackout from alcohol--aside from the accidental first couple of times when you don't know how much you can handle--you have a problem with alcohol. Based on what you've stated, it seems like you've had more than accidental blackouts. That is, you've blacked out based upon a conscious desire to consume enough to get very drunk and this resulted in blackouts on multiple occasions.
If you can handle having one or two drinks and you don't feel anxiety or strong desire to consume more, you may be able to handle alcohol going forward. If you can't limit your intake, then that's another indication you have a problem with alcohol.
Whether it's a disease or not is controversial. I believe in the heredity of impulsivity and compulsivity that often leads someone to use alcohol to medicate or achieve hedonistic pleasure. Ergo, I don't believe alcoholism is a disease. To me, alcoholism is merely a symptom of more basic behavioral/psychological defects.
Good luck with resolving your dilemma. Hope any of my comments
supra are helpful.