Many years ago, I was in a similar situation. I was not unfaithful to my spouse, but I wanted to die. When I started seeing a counselor and explained my marital problems, she asked me if I drank and, if so, how much and how often. After hearing my response, she told me that she would not be able to help me unless and until I stopped drinking. I took her advice. I ended up divorcing my spouse, which was the most agonizing experience I think I have ever had. I wouldn't have had the clarity to go through it had I not gotten sober at the time. It was awful, but I ended up marrying an individual who was much better for me. (Now I am attempting to get and stay sober so that I won't lose this person.). Good luck to you.