Hi goos, welcome to the board and kudos to you for having the strength and courage to post what you did. That was a lot for you and there's no judgement here. This board is a great place with a tremendous amount of support, stick around!
I see a lot of good posts from people and the one I really agree with is the sobriety issues. With what you're facing clarity is extremely important.
As for your relationship I only know what you've posted. However, and I say this in a caring manner, I'm sure that she has issues on her side too. That's not important but here's what is. If you truly believe in your heart that there is absolutely nothing left and you've both given it an absolute fair shake and worked at it then perhaps you're right, it's over. But, think back to what brought you two together in the first place. There had to be some good there in order for the two of you to get married and have 2 kids. It wasn't always all bad.
I spent many years of my life running from relationships once the romance and fun was over. I loved that feeling of being in love. The romance, the giddiness, the googly eyes. The 'you were the last thing I thought of before I fell asleep and the first thing that I thought of when I woke up". Those are all so much fun and exciting aren't they?
You know what though, it took me this time through, after being with my husband for 15 years and married for 11 this year to realize that none of what I said is really what love is all about. I'm thankful that I took the time this time through to work things through. Are we perfect? By no means, we still have some very large looming issues. However, I can tell you that every time that we hit a wall and have a large, overwhelming problem and we come out the other side together and intact that feeling far surpasses any of those feelings that you think are love in the beginning. I've come to the conclusion that true love is not defined by the good times and the fun. It's defined by working together and making it to the other side still intact. It's a powerful feeling and I highly recommend it.
If all is lost for you I understand that. However, if there is even one shred of your being that can look back at what brought you two together and tug just a bit at your heartstrings then maybe, just maybe there might be something worth pursuing. Again, this is tough because I only know what you posted and it's all according to how you feel.
Sobriety has to come first though.