Welcome Newme! I think you'll find it very helpful to be here where everyone understands what you're going through. I felt all alone until I found SR.
At 30 I was still many years away from realizing I needed to stop. I'm glad you see clearly what needs to happen. Some never seek help until their life is in shambles. You can get back on track and stay there. We will help. Glad to have you with us.