I have several issues that I need to get off my chest and maybe some advice.
I am a very heavy drinker. When I drink I can consume up to 30 beers or equivalent with wine and beer. I notice after these huge binges my hands are not steady and my body feels electrified if that makes any sense. I can no longer go 3 days without a drink before I have some withdrawal. I have been a heavy drinker since my early 20’s and am now 36. I have been through an outpatient rehab, have seen 3 different addiction councilors and have attended AA for almost a year. I am now looking into Smart Recovery which matches closer to how I think.
The next issue is pretty complicated. I am a father of 2 very young boys, married, great career and own a house and 2 cars. With that being said I have cheated on my wife with 6 different women during the past 2 years. I travel a lot for my job and this is when I meet the other women. 5 have all been one night stands but the 6th is more complicated. I found her online and started texting her. This went on for an astonishing 6 months where I really got to know everything about her and I let her know mostly everything about me. I texted her one day and let her know that I’m married. She let me know that she already knew because who texts for 6 months without talking. I started calling her everyday and we met up on my business trips. I had the greatest time and was able to laugh and have fun again.
You may be asking yourself, “why is he cheating on his wife?”. I have asked myself this question so many times. I have come to the conclusion that I just don’t love my wife romantically anymore. My wife and I have been together for 13 years, 10 of those married. Now all we ever talk about are the kids and her family. I love talking about my kids but there is never any discussion about us. Our communication has been terrible since we met. I can no longer tell her most things because I do not want to fight with her. We get into fights often where they can go on for days. The last big one we had we fought for 12 exhausting hours straight. My wife can be a pretty harsh person to others. I no longer see my family very often because she despises them. We used to fight constantly about this because I really wanted to see my family but over time I gave up the fight and I see them now only several times throughout the year even though they only live 30 minutes away. I almost left her because of this. 6 years ago after my son was born. My sister picked up my son at thanksgiving and my wife lost it. My sister just wanted to hold him and show him off but my wife grabbed him out of her arms and said, “give me back my son!!”. I probably should have left then but things get much more complicated with children. My son is 6 and has never had a friend over because my wife simply does not like anyone other than her own family members, mainly her mother and brother. It's really hard to get to know other couples with children because of this as you can imagine. She lost her job recently because her own father fired her. My wife would only work 2 hrs a day and was making a lot of money. She got in an argument with her father about attending a meeting and she lost her job over it. Now she is a stay at home mother which is harder then working don’t get me wrong, but she complains constantly about being home with the kids too much. I now have to work a lot of overtime to pick up the slack of no longer having 2 incomes. Anyway, I could go on and on about our issues but you probably get the point.
The girl that I met up with after texting for 6 months is no longer in the picture. The guilt eventually got to her and she no longer talks to me. She told me that she loves me. Tell you the truth I love her as well. It was so nice to have someone to talk to that I could finally open up to. She is a great person and it was so nice to be able to communicate with someone without the constant glaring and fighting. When people say communication is the key to a successful relationship, they were spot on… I met someone that I could finally communicate with and that's now gone.
The reason I am still here with my wife is just the thought of not waking up and seeing my children every morning. The thought of not seeing them Christmas mornings and having them only on the weekends is killing me to think about. I love them so much and don’t want them to live away from me. So here I stay….. My drinking has increased immensely since I started the affairs. I feel so guilty. I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m married with two children, what is wrong with me? As funny and ridiculous as it sounds I even considered I had a brain tumor and went and got an MRI. I cannot understand my own feelings and am completely lost.
Anyway, be easy on me. I know it’s really easy to hate someone like me but hopefully I explained myself so you may somewhat understand. Please I am looking for advice on what to do.... not a hanging
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