I tried so hard time and time this never endssssssssssssssss
I am not really sure I buy this at all. We have talked about changing things and you always have an answer. You had an infamous thread a few months ago going into your pilgrimage with lots of good advice and you heeded none of it...yet you are surprised you're in the same situation???
You are deluding yourself to believe you have tried because what you are really doing is trying different cocktails of booze and pills and weed and pills and hoping magically you will become sober.
How about starting with the construct of wanting to be sober more than drunk/high? In all your posts I am not sure I have heard you say you really want to be sober. Presuming you do, how about developing a plan? Plenty of people (myself included) are willing to help here.
If you can do these two things I guarantee you can have success getting sober.
The reality is you have one of three outcomes: 1) you will be institutionalized (penal or mental); 2) you will die; or 3) you can get sober. It is really this simple - which option do you want?