Today marks 50 days Sober, one of the longest periods Sober I have ever persevered to achieve since making the decision to quit alcohol for good, it spans both Xmas and New Years which I am incredibly proud of, they were tough periods to get through, and with that 2014 is going to my year.
What have I learned? There is a constant theme of newcomers being fearful or anxious about Sobriety, I was in that same place 50 days ago, well I can tell you now that it is only a fear of the unknown, but once you know what the benefits of Sobriety are, you’ll realise there is nothing to fear, taking that leap of faith will open doors you haven’t even imagined or dreamt of.
My outlook is now a lot more positive, if I’m being honest, I hated myself, the way I looked, my personality, in my mind it all sucked and alcohol was my friend to numb those feelings and create a personality that I was convinced was someone I wanted to be.
But I was wrong, I was killing myself, and in fact at the low times, I’d have been content in actually achieving that end to my life, but the spiral of alcohol makes a bad day roll into another, before you know it, you can’t remember the last morning without a hangover, life becomes negative, depression sets in and in the end I was simply surviving, getting through each day until I could drink in the evening, the cycle just continued.
We've all got our history, the failed relationships, rejection from life, family problems. We can all point to something that we can use as an excuse for our addiction, well that we must try to get past, drinking to forget and deal with the past will get us nowhere, it all still exists in the morning and those that caused the hurt in our lives are probably not worrying about what they did to our lives, they are enjoying their life, whilst we drown ourselves in a bottle, I've had my fair share of those experiences but it's time to file them away in the archive and start a new chapter.
Well this morning I applied for a promotion, I would never have done so 2 months ago, I’d have felt grateful to have the job I have and best not to push the boat out as my productivity has been just average over these last few years, 365 hangovers will cause that, batten down the hatches and stick with where I am it. This morning I said to myself, stuff that, I’m going to live up to my potential and go as far as I can go, sure I might not get the job, but that’s ok, I will only know the answer if I give it a try, 2 months ago I wouldn't have tried.
Life now is a routine not designed to facilitate my alcohol consumption, I used to rotate the liquor stores I’d visit during the week to pick up my supply of poison, now I come straight home without the worry or careful planning involved to obtain alcohol, I arrive home after work and not now have to worry about getting home and back out to meet some mates at a bar. Life is now not controlled by the puppet strings of alcohol, where am I buying tonight? what time do I need to be at the bar at? how much do I have left in my house? do I need to restock?
Some get worried about Sobriety being boring, I would say life is what you now make it, yes if you just take away drinking from life and sit in the house thinking about not being able to drink, that would make for a very boring life, but it is now our responsibility to fill our lives with what we want to achieve in life having removed what our addiction tells us we should be doing. I still attend Ice Hockey games, I visited relatives over the holidays and I still go to watch the occasional soccer game with some mates, however the difference now compared to 50 days ago is I plan these social events around having no alcohol.
My conclusion is life is for enjoying and alcohol isn’t needed for that enjoyment, I think of when I was a kid, before I knew what alcohol was or had a taste for it, did I not have any fun? Did I not enjoy life back then? Of course I did, playing games, using our imagination, spending time with friends, before I knew of the existence of alcohol, life had everything I needed, so why do we think we need it now to enjoy life?
Thank you all for keeping me focused on the job at hand, reading posts and helping out where I can in responding to posts is a very important part of my own Sobriety.
