My partner of five years has a dependency on alcohol. I'm not 100% sure what the diff is between 'dependent' and 'alcoholic' btw.
We moved in together about a year ago and it was only then I realised how much she uses alcohol at home (rather than on nights out).
Backstory: she was with her former partner for over ten years. After about ten years they married, at which point her husband started cheating on her while denying it and lying to her face for most of a year. Eventually it all fell apart and truth came out and they separated (now divorced). I met her within a year of her separating from ex-H.
So she's had anxiety problems on and off while I've known her since her **** of an ex treated her like that. Not terribly surprising.
Although her drinking isn't nearly as much or as bad as some people I read about, it's still disruptive and making me unhappy, and she for the *most* part seems to think I'm overreacting and it's somehow my problem.
Her pattern is that she'll drink red wine in the evening while watching tv or films. Once she starts, she just seems to go on, up to a point. I think the max she usually drinks is about 2 bottles. The friction between us stems from these things:
- she'll often fall asleep on the couch (leaving all tv equipment on and guzzling power), then come to bed at like 7am. Meanwhile I'm lying there wondering when/if she'll come to bed. She says "Oh I'm a bad sleeper" but I think this is BS - she's up because she's drinking
- her regularly getting drunk on her own just really gets to me - I feel it's very antisocial
- nights out get cut short or a bit spoiled because she doesn't know when to stop drinking and either gets moody with me or legless. We split up for like a day a couple of years ago because at new year celebrations everything was fine and then wham, she was moody and angry with me for no particular reason and the night went down the pan, I left the celebration alone, new year night ruined. I'm wary of going out with her now.
- she's not doing her health any good
I've tried impressing on her that it's hurting me, making me anxious and unhappy. I've had some limited success. For example, she admits she drinks too much red wine sometimes, and that she's self-medicating to a certain degree.
I persuaded her to speak to her doctor. So she told doc while she was visiting for other reasons (off work with anxiety) that she's drinking too much red wine. The doc apparently said "People sometimes drink too much when they're ill, try and drink less and come back and see me again if it's still a problem". I was disappointed to hear this; why on earth didn't the doctor ask how much she drank, etc?
So anyway, since the doctors a week ago there's not been a huge difference in the drinking. I've told some family members about this and they're being supportive.
At one point I wrote to her and explained that if she didn't seek help it was going to be a serious point of contention in our relationship and might one day be the end of it. Is that horrible? It's the truth. Anyway, saying that was what got her to mention it to the doctor.
So she seems to be alcohol dependent, right? I'm not over-reacting here and imagining stuff?
What's a good plan for trying to persuade her to get serious help? My getting her to speak to doctor fell flat on its face and went nowhere so far.
I'm trying not to build up feelings of resentment here.