certain people in my life think i am too hard on myself and are very adamant that i do not have a problem. are they present during my blackouts? no. do they experience the nightmare anxiety lasting 2-5 days after each blackout? nope. and this would happen once/week. sure. i ONLY drank one night, but look at how my days of that week were damaged due to that one night.
still. if i were to ask any of the people mentioned above if i should scratch my current program and have a few drinks, they would happily encourage the idea. some may be thrilled, actually.
my point is to be careful of who you base your health, future on. clearly most people here are going to support sobriety but that may not be the case elsewhere. this is your path and you need to figure out what is working and what is not. for yourself.
i suspect you may have had enough and that thought frightens you. never drinking again seems big and total and maybe a little depressing. maybe you are not ready to face that big of a sentence but i assure you, making the choice on your own, before things are much worse and you are unable to do so is a gift in itself. that is the tiny silver lining i cling to. sure, i miss getting drunk and i miss the many little rituals of a night out before things got dark. but i am crazy proud of myself for admitting the problem and going to work. my blackouts were getting worse. i noticed a trend in my life that i needed to address.
as others have pointed out, you are here. something inside you is either very curious or very tired and i suggest you listen to that and base any future decisions on whatever forced you to google this website. for you because you deserve it.
