I don't presume to know what you are looking for, but I know what I was looking for, back in the beginning. To find out what a "real" alcoholic was, and the many ways in which that unfortunate person was different than me.
There is a lot of information out there. It is amazing how one can find exactly what one wants to hear. One can find comfort that one is an alcohol abuser rather than an alcoholic. Don't want to subscribe to the disease theory - neither do many others. Can drink moderately at times - your problem is not that bad. Social anxiety - oh yes that you've had since you were a child - why your drinking is just self-medicating. It is part of my culture. - it helps me do my job better . . .
It is good that you are questioning, learning, analyzing. But have you thought about all the mental exercises you are doing to figure out how you can rationalize keeping alcohol a part of your life?
After much research and internal debate I now try to keep it very simple. Alcohol enters my body and a harmful chemical reaction ensues. Harmful to my body, spirit, and soul. I don't need it in my life.