i get it. you started. got what you thought you wanted and stopped. then realized oops, not quite what i wanted. and started back.
you have made a lot of progress. some people go a b c d, others go a c a b a b c d. its all about the journey. my thing for a while was trying to see the positive in bad (really bad) situations i lived through. one take away is that well that was a hard experience, but now i have it under my belt. i know what it feels like. some people never experience things like that. i did. and lived to tell.