Thanks everyone for all the words of support! I need all of it I can get. I do have a very loving and supporting circle of family and friends so I'm sure I can get through. It is going to be really hard, I'm not all that financially stable by myself and I'm a little ashamed to let people know eventually that my engagement is off at least for the time being and possibly permanantly. Thing is though, as painful as it all is to let him go, it's been painful already to have him around. I do care about him but I realise that letting him stay here, I'm only enabling him to keep drinking. I'm working to cover the bills, while he continues to drink. It's been a cycle he screws up, comes home and he uses me to make it better. He's got to pick up the pieces himself this time. He'll be back. I don't know if he realises I mean it 100% yet. He didn't take anything. No spare clothes or a jacket or anything. In other words he thinks he's coming back. I'm only letting him come back for his things. I'm serious about him having to prove a change before he moves back in. I took away all his keys so he can't come when I'm not here. I don't trust him.
I'm really, really, really, hoping the baby is ok. It's really scary since the odds aren't great. The doctor was less than positive. He just said that if I do miscarry it was for the best. He said it just means that there was something wrong with it and it's natures way of letting it go. I don't know if that really makes me feel any better but at least he said it wasn't my fault. I was worried I was too stressed out but he said there was nothing I could have done. There's nothing that can be done other than alot of hoping. I'm hoping it's a strong little guy. I really do hate waiting. I've been all over the internet reading about it. I really shouldn't do that since there's a lot of conflicting info that I think is confusing me more. I know all I can do is relax and let nature take it's course. It's really great to know everybody is there for support. I'll let you all know what happens. Hopefully something good!