Nightmare
The last few days have been a nightmare. My husband begged me for a week straight to come home because he had enough of the life he was living (meth iv hard user). I refused. He continued to beg & beg & make promise after promise. He said he wanted rehab & said he was 100% serious & to please help him. Eventually (& soooooo stupidly) I relented & he came back with a strict set of conditions. Once here the nightmare begun & i knew it was all a lie. He was angry, violent & completely out of control. He accused me of having a new boyfriend (which I don't and don't have time for!). I even went outside once to get something out our vehicle & he said I was meeting my new lover. Meanwhile I have no idea what he does! He slept, ate, slept, ate & argued. I said nothing, did nothing but he still picked on me. He wasnt interested in talking about anything normal. He spent the last 2 days on his cell phone making secret calls & messages. I didn't even ask who he was messaging. I guess I've detached & besides of course it was drug related. About an hour ago he went outside & just disappeared. He has no clothes, no wallet but I'm locking the doors & hoping he doesn't come back! I'm so exhausted. He will come back though, at least for his things. Maybe tomorrow maybe in a weeks time.
He is NOT the same man I fell in love with. He is a monster & clearly not ready to get off drugs.
So I'm done now. If/when he begs for my help again I will turn off my phone & not feel guilty like every other time in the past. I feel sad for him & the life we had but I realise now that is well & truly gone. It's like he's died & I can't even recognise him anywhere inside.
I feel so stupid for believing him. This past few days was definitely my fault for not trusting my gut. Why do I keep giving him so many chances?! Enough now. I'm reading 'codependency no more' & always on here. Im getting stronger