Rock Bottom....
Not for him though, for me. It's been a really tough couple of days. Abf still doesn't have a job and he went and took out over $300 over the weekend. We don't have $300, we're barely scraping by which shouldn't be. We should have been perfectly fine this last month at least but thanks to his major spending we aren't. I'm 7 weeks pregnant and Wednesday I started bleeding.... I know it happens to some people but it turns out it gives me a 50% chance of miscarrying. I was obviously beside myself about that and combined with his continued drinking, money spending, fighting, joblessness (which he isn't trying vary hard to fix) and everything else lately I lost it. I started crying and couldn't stop... I genuinely wanted to die. I didn't want to wake up the next day. I took a couple of days off work and last night I decided to stay at my parents to destress a little. It helped a bit but I'm still very upset. The doctor said I just have to wait and see if the baby lives and I'm having a hard time with the waiting. Today I come home, after he'd been asking to use my car to look for a job today, (I said no thank goodness). I come in the door and within seconds I realize he's drunk. He wanted to use my car again drinking, he can't look for a job and he knows how close I was to a complete breakdown. Actually I think I had it but luckily didn't do anything stupid. That was it, I kicked him out. I kicked him out and he's not coming back till he proves he's getting help. I'm tired of him sitting around here doing nothing. It's not that I don't love him anymore but I know I can't handle this right now. With the possibility of misscarriage he's the last on my priority list right now. I even phoned the police when he wouldn't leave to ask them how I could get him out. I'm lucky, he's on probation so they would have arrested him if he wouldn't have left.
I'm going to miss him and I'm not happy things turned out this way... I am glad though that I finally made a decision that benefits myself and my health as opposed to his for once.