In my initial pizzed stage when I was not throwing things at him, I was never under the impression he could justify what he did..(.and still am not, and will ever be) so I never asked why. No answer would placate me anyway, but I did this, I asked him...what do I say to you every night when I go to bed? And he said "you tell me it's your favorite place to be and your favorite part of the day" and that is true.
He told me that he has never told me, because I am asleep, how he feels. That every morning he wakes up happy and content while watching me sleep. I believe him. He does not articulate much. I told him he hasn't even really had a conversation With me in a very long time. A real intimate conversation, and yet he has time to write love letters, in another language to boot to some broad?
He aske me "who do I love" and I said with all th amores and besos, I would guess it was his GF but what did I know any Freeking more?
He says he has felt old and unattractive (which, my god, he is not) and that I had shut him out.
I told him I was letting him "be" and not forcing him to talk because he has not been very talkative in years actually.
We work, we work on the houses, but we don't sit and talk. I don't demand talking. Despite what you read here I am not a chatty woman. I am quit introspective myself and don't expect my man to talk like women do. Few have the capacity. My girlfriends and I can talk each other's ears off. Men are different, I know.
None of this was accusatory from either side, but I said "you know, you don't want to be intimate intimate is HARD, boffing someone is much easier, and yet I have had many a chance and removed myself from the situation on more than one occasion. I have physically left the building or the room where I felt an inkling of an attraction, reciprocal from another man. I made the choice to leave, and it was not easy but I did it out of respect for yYOU , for us. And he made different choices, I know this just did not "happen""
He agreed that he made terrible choices.
He drinks
Gets depressed
Fell Into old habits.
He told me he felt like I did not want to have sex with him anymore. I told him that was because of the beer and the finances and the stress I have been under, and that foreplay does not just happen in bed.
He works and cooks, he is an amazing cook.
I work and am exhausted and stressed and yet every night I clean up the horrible mess in the kitchen. We have an antique stove so need of repair that it has to be dismantled top to bottom as he has ruined the parts by burning grease in every inch and. It taking too much time to do,that much cleaning.
I have limited hand strength and littely cannot use steel wool to undo the damage.
He kept repeating, "I know I know I know"
He stopped then and I ranted.
He gave me desserts he had picked up in town. He begged me to look at him and talk to him.he was literally begging.
That's when I said "we are starting over or it's over right effing now. You go to her or you write a letter in front of me telling her it's done and thwt you are married and I was sorry but I did not give a sheet if it hurt her feelings.
The letter he wrote to her said
I have a confession, I have a wife of many years who I have betrayed and I am sorry that I lied to you and was such an azzh@le to her. I can never replicate the relationship that I have with her. I have given her the password to this email,and any other you might find, please do not contact me.
He then deleted that account
He swears she does not know his real last name.
But this is a small area and he would be easy to find if she tried hard enough, so he give me his "real" email and facebook passwords too.
He sent me the password to that account(it takes a few days to delete it completely ) he made the new "re activation" email, in case he was to change his mind, (a standard setting from the server) to my account. He gave me passwords and log ins to his business account, he deletes the facebook account that name was under, and again, the deactivation info to my email address.
He said he was relieved that I caught him, that the stress was getting to him. The lying, the emails, and of course this girl/woman/whatever wanted more time, which he says he did not want to give.
I saw the last email from her was that she was with her family out of the country, so I know she is not here.
He also swears she does not have his phone number, but I have access to the bills so this will be easy to trace, unless of course he has another phone, if he has that, it will be in his rectum in no time flat.
My final button, honest to god! one that I never thought would be pushed has been pushed. I am in full activation mode.