I think I'm starved for some positive husband attention so when I get it I kind of forget about the big picture and focus on how I feel in that moment. Big picture: he's sick, has done a lot of bad things, hasn't 1. Significantly improved himself yet 2. Made things between the two of us yet. In the moment: I just miss our friendship and enjoy having fun with him. I need to remind myself that those moments are fleeting. I care about longevity and the big picture so I need to stay focused...on myself and my long term needs & wants.