I signed up here this summer and I was sure I had alcoholism defeated, but as soon as I slacked off on the commitment of showing up on the Sober Recovery website, I was back at it....AGAIN! I will go without alcohol for a week of two at a time, but then I start rationalizing and sure enough, when nobody is watching, I drive over to the liquor store and buy some booze for the evening.
The result is always the same - I drink 3-4 drinks, get heavily buzzed, regret it (even while drinking), go to bed, sleep crappy, wake up feeling terrible, dump out all the booze I purchased...then I resolve never to do it again. I have honestly gone through that process 5,000 times in my life. I need some help to get through than impulsive moment where I feel like the only way life will ever be enjoyable is to drink.
It's not that I drink a whole lot ( rarely more than 4, but I drink quickly). I have never missed a day of work because of it, but the fact remains that I am addicted to alcohol and that cycle needs to end!
Earlier this month, I went three weeks without drinking. It was awesome! I felt great, but in one impulsive afternoon while the rest of the family was out shopping I felt like I should start again. After all, how boring is it to go out to eat without drinking? What about vacations? - they will really stink without booze--- and BOOM, back to the same cycle. I can't do this any more. I need the support of this community to get through this!
I was sober yesterday and I will be today. New Years eve won't even be a problem. But there will be a time next weekend, perhaps, that I will have this gnawing urge to get booze. (cycle repeats )
What can I do when that terrible heaviness creeps into my sober life? I really want to stay sober forever. I don't want alcohol controlling my thoughts ever again. I want to be able to say that on 12/29/13, I started my sobriety.
Thank you all for being here. I appreciate it.