I also have no advice but feel the same way re grief and yes, people thinking I am better of without my AH so get over it when I am just not yet at that stage. I think there have been a few books recommnded on here from Kindle and Amazon on healing after break up. I haven't had a chance to look yet but when I do, I'll come back to you. I also attend counselling with a local addiction charity and their input to my own understanding and recovery is great. Would you have something similar locally? My AH -soon to be exAH - has aged dramatically in the last year and moreso in the last 4 months since I put him out. Its horrid to see but he is making his choices. Am sending you hugs.