Anyway, I decided to look for a forum because I live in a small town, and given my "position in the community," I'm not really comfortable going to a therapist or AA. This may not be an adequate substitute, but I'm thinking this could be a good time when I want to connect with other addicts. We all have our stories, and I could journal, but somehow it feels better thinking someone might be "listening."
So, after this last experience I can finally and honestly say I am an alcoholic and I am never going to drink again. I'm hoping this online community can serve as a support. I've already learned a lot from posts, blogs, and other relatively reliable sources like webmd. Today I'm off valerian and trying to be truly clean. No panic attacks yet - I think I'm over the hump - but I'm just so frighteningly awake. It's a GABA thing, I think. I'm hoping with time the edge will subside. After all, the edge is what often led me to choose alcohol - to take the edge off. My wife has been sober for seven years and stuck with me. I've been a relatively responsible alcoholic. Two blessings, for sure.