Sorry if I was so blunt with my reply but it’s the truth. We can’t get them clean and the more WE try the more confused and hurt we get.
If you can’t make it to meeting then keep posting here, lots of experience here. It may not always be what you want to hear but you/we need to hear it.
We often talk about planning - planning all of those things – building strength, getting on our own financial feet, etc. so that if and when the day does come where you feel the need to leave you are prepared to go it on your own without relying on the addict.
See I could tell you today that by relying on the addict, making yourself and your children totally dependent on someone who is has proven not to be dependable (he couldn’t depend on himself to stay clean for more then 30 days) you are already in sink mode without a life preserver. But all of those things are what you are going to figure out on your own when you are ready to figure them.
We spend enormous amounts of wasted time trying to get them clean, looking up rehabs and a program, reading about THEIR illness and what is best for them. Having the mind set to contact THEIR sponsors……….all in desperation mode BECAUSE most of the time our lives are so dependent on them for just about everything. If we can FIX them then OUR lives will be ok…………..it never works like that, sorry.
We are taught to prepare for storms, make emergency kits, have extra food and water – all medicines on hand, and cash ready and a safe place to go. Life with an addict is no different, we need to prepare and be ready and if we chose to stay to stay with them, we may need to prepare for many storms over and over again.