suncatcher----about the rock star bit (LOL).....you can remind your son that Bruce Springsteen is a rock star---and he spent the early years sleeping under the boardwalks of Atlantic City wrapped in newspapers to stay warm--playing in the bars for work.
By the way--it doesn't matter what you did i n the past---there is no good reason to alter what you know are healthy boundaries for your child's own development. You must resist going on a guilt trip---and, above all--don't let him push your guilt buttons!!! Kids know our hot buttons well and they do not hesitate to use them!
Absolutely, you are entitled, as a parent to give him your best advice and to share your opinions with him. A little "preaching" won't kill him. It lets him know where you are coming from---he won't like it, no doubt--but, some of it might "stick" for later. Especially, sitting in your house!
I agree with you--regardless if he is "technically" an alcoholic or not---he is not on a good path, right now. It is pause for concern.
Hang in there---learn all you can and get support for yourself.
dandylion