Hi suncatcher. It's a very different and difficult thing when it's your child who is the alcoholic. I know how painful it is to watch your adult child ruin his,her life. My 22 year old son is a recovering A and it's honestly been the most difficult thing our family has had to deal with. We're told all our lives that good parents are there for their children no matter what, and therefore detachment sort of goes against the grain of everything we think we should do as parents. It took me awhile in AlAnon and counseling to understand that treating addiction is a whole different ballgame. what works for other diseases doesn't work for alcoholism. I was the queen of codependent moms before my son got sober. He was away at college when he hit his bottom and I really think he wouldn't have got there if he'd been living in the house with us. I would've made it too easy for him to continue in his alcoholic lifestyle, without even knowing I was doing it. We brought him home to stay with us after his hospital stay and he was with us the first 4 months of his recovery. I was a nervous wreck when he went back to college, as his school is known as a party school. But using what I'd learned in AlAnon I let him go back and so far he's done well. I've detached from trying to control his life and from doing those things he's perfectly capable of doing on his own. If he drinks, he drinks. It's his choice. But I know that if he makes that choice and relapses, he's on his own and he has to deal with the consequences. I'll always love him, more than anyone else in the world does, but I don't love some of the lifestyle choices he's made. Detachment actually is love in the case of an alcoholic or addict. It's tough love, and it's difficult for a parent to do, but it's the best thing a parent can do. Hang in there and know that you're not alone. I know how you feel. It's hard, but you can do it.