I went thru this with both of my adult children...son and daughter. In my experience the recovery is more dramatic than the fall. Your son apparently hasn't hit bottom. It took over five years for mine to hit. They were probably the worst five years of my life. My son was facing 10 years in prison before he realized he had a problem. My daughter had legal and financial problems in several states. (all this while my wife had relapsed). They all hit bottom at about the same time. It was the thud heard around the world. Detaching from our children is the hardest thing. I'm not sure I was very good at it, but I committed to being there for them when they decided they needed help. I don't have an answer for you, or any wisdom to share. I think the only thing that served me was patience. I just waited and took as good care of myself as I could. Today everyone is sober. Take care of yourself, and never give up hope.