Originally Posted by
suncatcher 
Hi everyone, usually I am on here talking about XABF but today my worries are about my son. He is 26 years old, quite the party boy and can't seem to give it up. He is working in the restaurant business and couch surfing and expecting my daughter to let him crash at her place while he eats all her food and does not contribute. He lived with me for two years until I moved out in the country. He did stay here for a week or so before my land lord told me he had to leave. While he was here he took over my bedroom sleeping in my bed watching the only tv I have and eating all the food. I felt guilty for telling him he had to go and he hasn't been back since though we are on good terms for the most part. Long story short, how do you detach or help other family members detach when it's your child you are trying to detach from?! The guilt that goes with that is tremendous. I worry about him and want to help him but I want to shake some sense into him and resent him for being irresponsible! Just had to vent. He is not affecting my life so much but he is disrupting my daughters life who lives with her young son and my ex husband. She pays rent and buys food to live there. My son thinks everyone owes him something. At a loss how to handle this.
Hi, suncatcher-
Can I ask why you felt guilty, telling him he had to go, while he was treating you with blatant disrespect?
I'm wondering if there are any issues going on, with you feeling guilty over some aspect of his upbringing (for example, some parents feel guilty over getting divorced, or some parents feel guilty if the other parent wasn't really in the child's life, etc)?
I don't have children, so all I can do is try to imagine, having never "been there".
I can understand feeling worried about telling him to get out in the sense that you may be concerned over how he's going to take care of himself, but being worried and feeling guilty are two different things, so I'm curious.
Just to clarify, your daughter lives with your ex, or your ex lives with your daughter (as in, whose place is it)?
How old is your daughter?
I can identify as far as my husband seems to think his family (and the world!) owes him something...it's impossible to get him to see otherwise, too...ugh.
As others have said he will have to find his way, but it's still hard for YOU to feel as you do. Maybe if you can figure out why you feel guilty, it will be a step towards not feeling guilty anymore.
I'm sorry you're upset and frustrated. I would be too.
Peace.