I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've done the same thing.....called or hit that "send" button......and wish I hadn't.
Let go or be dragged. They drag us through the mud, dirt, rocks.......and still we hang on with all our might.
I use daily readers to keep my head on straight. The following can be found online (I downloaded them to my iPhone so they are always with me).
SESH - Sharing Experience Strength & Hope(Nar-Anon daily reader)
The Language of Letting Go (by Melody Beattie)
More Language of Letting Go (by Melody Beattie)
Lots of stuff through Hazelden are available online
I think atalose stated it very well....sometimes we are looking to the most damaged person for validation.....the addict. And yes.....she is trying to F.O.G. you into acquiescing to her demands.
Perhaps instead of telling her what she already knows, you can lay out your boundaries. Say what you mean (state boundaries clearly), mean what you say (boundaries are not negotiable) and don't say it mean.
Example of a boundary:
I will not engage with you if you are being disrespectful. I will either discontinue a phone call or I will not reply to your email. (Then follow through.....the most important part!!)
(Notice they are "I" statements....both the boundary and how it will be handled.) Boundaries are not threats, ultimatums, or actions required on their part. Boundaries explain what you will or will not tolerate. The action statement is what you will do if the boundary is crossed. Saying it nicely without judgement, anger, resentment......that's the really tough part! Lol..
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke